I am a thinker. I think of the postive side of something and at the same time, I think of its negative side. From there I weigh things. I'd like to think that I am smart and fair that way. Call it overthinking or shit, I don't care, I am just that way. If I think of something negative, I ask the person concern right away and it's becuase I need confirmation if what i'm thinking is correct, NOT that i've confirmed that what I'm thinking is correct. If I've already had a confirmation, then I wouldn't have asked.
Anyway, so it's one of those "thinking" sessions this afternoon when I was left alone in my brother's apartment. I thought about this whole love situation that im in right now and i've reached to a decision.
What's been making me cry is the past; how sweet, how consistent, HOW GREAT HE WAS! And he's no longer all that- and that's what's been hurting me. So, I've decided to just FORGET ABOUT HOW HE USED TO BE AND LIVE WITH HOW HE IS NOW. Because maybe, who he really is, is what's he's showing now. Probably then (when he was super sweet), he was just caught up in this whole lovecrap. It's not that I don't have faith in him and in our relationship because frankly without faith I wouldn't have waited this long (1 month and 1 day). It's just that I think it's the most practical and intelligent way to deal this situation. I am not going to expect anything from him because I honestly think that he's not capable of being who he was anymore. He has changed.
So, cliche as it may sound but past, indeed, is past. I'll forget all of it. I will live today, and from here on, I will decide if he really is the right guy for me. I mean, the guy isn't opening his heart to me still, what's a girl to do? I love him so much, but it's not always about love..